When I was little I refused to go to sleep at night and would rather spend my days sleeping. My how this holds true still to this day. I never really equated it to being “afraid of the dark” since my reasons where not the same. No, not the make believe monsters hiding under the bed or in the closet. No, my fears run much deeper now as they did back then. The fear of being taken, never to return to the life I knew. The fear of someone I loved being gunned down. The fear of death creeping in the darkness. The fear of taking my last breath. The fear of the nightmares that lurk in the shadows. I would of loved to trade my fears for silly monsters under the bed.
The darkness holds demons one could only wish remained characters in a scary movie. The darkness scares me now because who really knows who is a friend and who is a foe. Those same people holding cold steel to my head and taking what they wanted. Those same people selling my soul to the devil for me because their words mesmerized my senses. Those same people stoned me with their words while supposedly building me up. Those same people treating me like a trophy and not a person. Those same people turned me away from all people, my heart turned cold and nothing mattered not even my next breath. I longed for it to end not knowing if I would see the next day. The darkness took more from me than I care to admit. The darkness took my innocence, my trust, my love, my tears, my anger and everything that held my peace. Dammit the darkness took it all and 10 years later I am still running from the darkness and all the nightmares it holds. Alcohol and pills used to be the way I coped till it slipped up and showed me who it hurt. I thank God everyday for waking me up before it was too late. However my demons still visit everytime my loved ones leave home.