My Safeword Sir…

My Safeword Sir…

Safewords are your right as a submissive and must be respected by your Dom at all times. With me beginning my journey into submission and unaware of what my hard limits are this is a mantra I will repeat to myself to become comfortable with voicing my Safeword without feeling guilty for doing so. From all my research guilt should never be emotion you feel after abruptly ending a scene because it has crossed a boundary you cannot comprehend at the moment. 

Safewords are not only used to end a scene but you can have safewords that mean everything is good, proceed with caution and stay now. You as a submissive have to communicate the awareness to your Dom and if he or she is a good Dom they will never ignore your words during a scene. 

For me until becoming further involved in being a submissive will utilize three safewords which will be as follows.

Everything good: cash

Proceed with caution: hurricane 

Stop now: red

Will I probably use my safewords in the beginning a lot . Yes I am . Will it always be necessary probably not. However for me until I can completely turn my mind off and just feel these words are my security blanket that things will not go to far but will allow me to process what is happening and why I do or do not like something. 

Please consider your very own Safeword to protect not only you but your Dom as well.

Advertisements

Pandora’s Box

Pandora’s Box

My mentor asked me the toughest question so far. Not necessarily a question , more of an assignment was given. Below is our conversation. 

     I want your history who you were with how they treated you pet

    That’s like asking me to open Pandora’s box sir. ๐Ÿ˜”
   Your not i am
 But their my memories sir both good and bad.
Do you wish to disobey your master?
No sir.
For my eyes only pet understood?
Yes sir. May I have one request though sir?
Ask pet
๐Ÿ˜” Once you have read and with your permission May I post to my blog sir? ๐Ÿ˜”
So you do want people to know pet
๐Ÿ˜”I’m tired of hiding who I am and why I am that way sir. I need this release sir๐Ÿ˜”
Even when you were used pet
๐Ÿ˜” Yes sir because it has helped to make me who I am both positive and negative sir. Im beautifully fucked up sir because of my past sir ๐Ÿ˜”

Good pet l will read then let you know what you can share
๐Ÿ˜Œ yes sir ๐Ÿ˜Œ
Who’s decision is it?
It is yours sir ๐Ÿ˜”
Good girl
Thank you sir. 

With that being said I began racking my brain and trying to remember my ex’s and why I was with them and how it made me feel. It’s not an easy task cause as you can see from the above conversation I feel like I am one wrong move from being called to the principles office but it awakens my desires. Did I mention that scares the shit out of me. But back to the task at hand I have changed names for their privacy. 

I have always seemed to have a fasinaction for the “bad boy” type. Especially during high school.  I was not popular, if it wasn’t for a select few friends I could have disappeared from campus and no one would have batted an eye except maybe the school system itself. I remember being over weight and unpopular I found myself attracted to the worst of the worst and always older than me by a few years. If you were a good guy or a geek I had nothing for you. 

There was a few boyfriends nothing lasting longer than simple puppy love . Ryan and Randy were twins. They ran the streets, smoked cigarettes,  drank and were both high school drop outs. I met Ryan first he was everything I was warned about. And because of this I ran farther into his arms. We lasted for a while but when we parted ways it was about two years later when I met his brother who was ten times more intriguing than Ryan. He had been kicked out of his parents house and right into my bed. We never had sex but given a few more months he might of been my 1st because he had away of talking me into everything but something turned me off. Back then I could never put my finger on it but I will reveal this secret throughout this post. 

After high school I ended up running into a couple of guy classmates that I secretly had crushes on. They were always out of my league and not to mention a different race. Alshon and Adrian were in for a surprise I wasn’t the shy quiet girl I was in high school anymore. But before we get to them I need to go through the loss of my virginity . 

I started working straight out of high school in an environment that I had never been exposed to before. Everything that I had been sheltered from was laid out in front of me like an open and endless bar. Then I met him. Much older, confident,  he could have any female he wanted and he did. But at the same time he took me under his wing and nurtured me. He was a father too me, but he also took my irreaplacable gift . The gift I entrusted him with, however unbenost to either one of us he woke the sexual being locked within. He took things from me, precious things that I willing gave him that others tried but my body always refused them. I believe that if he ever focused only on me my body would of experienced back then what I am finally getting the opportunity to do now. 

Then I met LaShuan. One of the best and worst mistakes of my life. He took me away from everything I knew. He confined me yet I was free, he lied to me while telling the truth. He pushed me into the arms of others. He talked down to me but spoke life into me at the same time. He was an artist. A free spirit confined by broken laws. He was my everything back then till what I thought was loved turned into abuse and we couldn’t stand to be sober around one another. This lead to me being raped, by the man I laid next too every night. It lead to mental scars I am still trying to heal. It cut my soul and darkened my heart for a long time. Especially to Doms. 

Then I met Mr. K. His look, his light touch, his commanding quiet voice shook me to my core. He could make me orgasim with a simple gesture. He royally fucked my mind and then my body. Even after we separated [because the only thing good between us was behind closed doors] many years had passed and we ran into each other. All the hatred built up inside of me because of this man and yet I found myself wanting and needing him to take me right then and there and this pissed me off even more and he knew it. His eyes sparkled and he invaded my personal space my personal thoughts. He was a Dominat and didn’t know it. Neither one of us did and only I know now. 

Then Mr Black came along. The second man that was not like my normal track record. He wasn’t concerned with receiving pleasure only with giving me what I have been without. Then he did something one night that frightened me as well as turned me on and too be honest the turn on outweighed the fear. He grabbed my neck and applied the right amount of pressure increasing the building pressure between my thighs and I have not been the same since. 

Alshon and Adrian were something else to put in simple terms. But to get to the one I wanted I had to go through the one I didn’t really wanted to be bothered with. We had some fun times together but it wasn’t till many years later when me and alshon connected years later that I was able to express these feeling but by then it was too late and my heart cried again wondering if I would ever find my happiness. 

There have been countless sexual encounters throughout my life but the ones that affected me the most and left clear memories I have shared with you. We all have skeletons in our closets and none of them are worse than the next person’s.  The questions exist when we can’t accept our past made you. That reflection staring back at you was shaped by those you bared your soul too. 

My Thoughts Are No Longer My Own

My Thoughts Are No Longer My Own

No I am not brainwashed, bdsm lifestyle is not a cult. Although there are plenty of people that will beg to argue that fact. That I know to be true.  However to be able to turn off my thoughts, worried and concerns and be able to just feel intrigues the hell out of me. To not have to be strong , to be able to relinquish even for only a few hours out of the day provides me with relief. 

To be an Alpha Female during every other aspect of my life is draining. There are days when I simply feel the weight of all my responsibilities crashing down and no escape in sight. We all have wanted to runaway at some point and to be given the opportunity to do so on a daily basis I would be a fool not to explore this possibility.  But am I a fool because to outsiders it seems like I’m running from my problems. To be able to be seen as beautiful, sexy, perfect isn’t that what women should seek from their partner no matter the terms of that relationship?  No matter what you consider your flaws and my list is long just like many friends I know both male and female. To be able to stand naked , from your clothes to your thoughts in front of someone and only feel what it is they feel for you, to see the beauty they see, to have all insecurities melt away from one look, one touch ,one thought. Just imagining this day sends shivers down my spine. The day my thoughts don’t make me try to hide my flaws but his thoughts make me love them.

Kneeling for Sir

Kneeling for Sir

Kneeling before a man you have to be out of your fucking mind with thinking that I am going to kneel and wait for instructions from you. That was the exact thought process I had when my mentor asked me about kneeling. For those of you who are new to this and are wanting to learn, Kneeling is when you (as a submissive) assume the position so to speak. The position of showing your Master/ Dominate that everything you do for him or her you are doing so willingly and with the utmost respect for them. It also shows your strength, devotion and contentment with your Sir.

From my research because I have not yet practiced kneeling but it is on my to do list this week to take 10-15 mins out of my day to experience kneeling and meditate on why this is of such importance not only to the Dom but the Submissive as well. I want to learn why this will benefit me in the long run. The articles that I have read all point back to the same feeling and or emotions for the submissive which are as follows:

Calming, Reverence, Surrender, Strength, Hope and Reset.

For your Dom the feelings are as follows:

Confidence, Strength, Assurance, Empowering, Control and Respect

 

It takes a lot for a submissive to assume the kneeling position. Many would suggest this is not a sign of strength but more of a degrading act. To me I am beginning to see the strength in kneeling. The amount of courage and power it takes to place yourself in such a vulnerable position willing. To show your Sir your full trust, devotion and most of all your submission.

Through my research I have found that there are many different forms of the kneeling position. This allows for one’s own personal interpretation. Meaning to me your Dom may have their very own special “kneeling” position that pleases them and only them.The top 9 positions that I have come across are considered the ones a submissive should learn and know the significance behind. So listed below are the positions ย feel free to google more about them.

  1. Sit: where one will take a comfortable sitting position on the floor that is of their choosing with your eyes looking downwards.
  2. Kneel: you sit up on your knees with your hands behind your back your back will be straight and your eyes looking downwards.
  3. Down: you will lie face down on the floor with your legs wide open and your hands behind your back.
  4. Bend: you will stand with your legs wide and knees locked with either your hands resting on your knees or holding your ankles. (the punishment position)
  5. Fours: you will get on all fours with your elbows locked, head up and your knees together. (where you look depends on your master’s orders)
  6. Ass: you will assume the dog style position with your chin resting on the floor, knees wide and palms flat on the floor above your head.
  7. Wait: you will be up on your knees which are spread wide, hands will be behind your head and your will push your breast up and out.
  8. Present: you will be laying on your back with your head straight (basically looking only at the ceiling) arms outstretched above your head with palms up and your legs spread wide apart.
  9. Inspect: you will stand with your legs wide and your hands resting behind your neck, your eyes will remain on your master at all times. you will also push your breasts up and out for your master.

Each of these positions are not for your humiliation if you are in the hands of a true Dom but are for his pleasure which in turn becomes your pleasure from what my mentors have told me.

 

 

Limits….. need I say moreย 

Limits….. need I say moreย 

My mentors did not waste anytime getting to the “business” side of being a submissive and my research told me this is very important and should be put out there first thing when perusing a Dom. 

I have read blogs,documentary scripts and countless websites that teach you about contracts, limit questionnaires so on and so forth. Basically be prepared to have a cover letter and resume when auditioning a potential Dom. 

At first I was honest with my mentors because I have this belief that you are giving yourself mind, body and soul to your Dom then limits should be minimal because you have unwavering trust. So my answer was simply can I learn as I go? The answer was yes but then it opened a whole new can of worms that had me asking is anything ever simple or easy in my life. Ha that’s funny J’Marie when has anything gone smoothly for you in relationships.  When have you not let people just take what they want from you? And now the power is in my hands as to what is acceptable and what is forbidden?  And he cannot get upset and break any of the limits I have listed. They cannot be used against me in anyway? This is all new too me and it scares the hell out of me because once again my fear of disappointing someone while putting myself in harm’s way. 

Like we all learned earlier today a hard limit for me is derogatory comments.  Just thinking bout it pisses me the hell off and upsets me at the same time. I will not allow anyone I am intimate with to call me a slut, whore, bitch or anything that makes me feel like im less than the bubble gum on the bottom of your shoes. This is definitely a hard limit for me. Hard limits are all the hell no, not me, bye Felicia scenarios. Those limits where you would do serious harm to someone if they dared to tiptoe close to the edge, fuck that if they came within a hundred foot radius you would drop them with one shot and no questions asked.

At this moment I know this to be number one on the hell no list as I have termed it. Also know as The Devil is a lie list.

1. NO DEROGATORY NAMES,COMMENTS AND ETC.

2. No harmful scenarios unless listed in contract with detailed agreements.  
As of now two hard limits. Both could be detrimental if ignored and could officially push me over the edge but I am sure that more will be added as well as taken away throughout the finding of my submission. 

Please sir be patient with me as I find myself through my journey of submission to you. 
 

There are so many names given to submissive’s  from slave, pet,little, baby girl, princess and much more. Well slave as we already know is out of the question as of now, my mentor utilizes baby girl and pet. Pet is taking some getting used to but it does intrigue me. I often wonder why they use these two terms.  

Baby girl/good girl two terms I have always longed to be called. Its something about the way they sound coming off the lips of men. Especially if you know he is sincere.  The moment I hear or read these words my desire stirs to please and the anticipation of what is about to happen instantly produces moisture between my thighs. Why this turns me on I financially could not afford a shrinks fee to dive into my thoughts and diagnose me as a mental case because things taboo should not arouse me. 

Now today I uncovered a hard limit which is the derogatory names. Hell no! Nope, not me , I can’t do it… if you do more power  to you because this takes a very strong person. Yes I said strong because I was almost at the point of tears and ready to say fuck this. My mentor listened to my feelings in regards to this but at the same time I began to feel maybe I’m treading quicksand at this point. I hate some of my characteristics because I will put myself in harm’s way to please people. Or should I say men in general. And I promised myself not this time. I will not be used or abused because of my desires and my eagerness to learn. 

So with this being said Sir if I may speak freely….when selecting your description of me please do so to build me up and make me crave your commands. So your pleasure becomes mine.  Your desires fulfill my desires. 

What exactly is the importance of Master

What exactly is the importance of Master

Master, Dom, Sir, King the list goes on and on. To me this is my first hurdle and a huge hangup . However while googling everything I possibly can on the origin, terminology etc and of course being a Libra I try to balance all this new information with comparisons to “vanilla lifestyle “. Below you will see many of my mental battles and comparisons to what is accepted by society.   

How can you call someone , more specifically a man, your Master, Owner, Lord, Dom?  In the generation I grew up in (I’m an 80’s baby) in my household sex was not something discussed.  When my father left my mother all men became known as assholes and not good for anything. I was just 9. When I entered womanhood I was handed pads and told don’t get pregnant.  Still no direction on what to do. At 14 my boyfriend moved in per my mom’s permission and straight into my bed. The fear that had been implanted into my thoughts is probably the only thing that kept me from getting pregnant while in school. And is the main reason I remained a virgin till just shy of my 19th birthday.  What was discussed was slavery, cults and race. Welcome to the South. 

With that in mind my hangup with the term master and salve. Knowing what I know about the terms I only have negative feelings but then I have a fantasy about being a slave but it comes with conflicting emotions.  In my reality though and my need to rationalize my decision we are all slaves to someone or something.  I am a slave to my children and fiancee making sure they are fed, clothes clean, emotional needs met and etc. We are slaves to our employers so forth and so on. But because we don’t equate the same terms does it make it any different?  We all have a Master and we are all slaves to someone or something.  Whether you want to admit it or not. 

Now with that being said the term Daddy and Sir. Sir is second nature to me. Once again the perks of being raised in the South. You learn to utilize your manners.  No matter the age I automatically reply with sir or ma’am.  Daddy on the other hand is a touchy subject but here is my rationalization.  As a little girl we find ourselves seeking approval from our fathers. Wanting to hear him say good girl, baby girl, princess etc. We have a different love for the man that we look up to for an example of our future mate. But when the father is absent do these natural desires become what we look for in a sexual partner? Do I have daddy issues because I long for a man to call me baby girl or say good girl? Do I have Daddy issues because I long for his approval? I  probably do but is it wrong to want to be taken care of and not have to worry about your needs or wants because Daddy is always there to tend to you at all times but only after he has used you? Did he really use you if what pleases him pleases you as well?